The Michigan DNR announced this morning a complete and total ban on fishing on all Northern Michigan rivers using worms as bait. The announcement comes on the heels of a recent study that indicates wild trout are becoming sick at an alarming rate from Hurling disease. Hurling is a rare but non-fatal disease that attacks the digestive system of the fish and results in Hurling or more commonly known as acute fish vomiting. Apparently the ban does not affect fly-fishing, a somewhat over-rated sport that utilizes artificial bait. These artificial baits consist of a myriad of hairs, hides, hackles, and other humdrum hodads usually gleaned from the carcass of a dead animal or bird. The study did not cite a reason why the trout do not “hurl” following a meal of this artificail bait.
The study was initiated by the DNR and the DEQ as a result of a recent well publisized fishing trip where photos were taken of a well hurled pair of hip waders used by the former vice-president. At the time of the incident, a visibly angered Cheney assailed the Obama and Granholm adminsitrations for a deliberate “smear” tactic.
Following a subsequent investigation, it was discovered that Mr. Cheney had been using worms grown at a Crawford, Texas ranch that used manure from Bulls as well as waste from the septic sytem, to expedite the growth of the worms. The result has been determined to be a toxic combination of Bulls–t and Bushs–t.
When asked how this could have happened, an Obama adminstration official replied ” That would only open up a can of worms so I won’t comment further other than to say you can put lipstick on a worm…but it’s still a worm”.
Aooriximately 7000 new DNR officers will be stationed at all public access points on all rivers north of the Zilwaukee bridge using funds from the Obama stimulas package. The officers will be looking for fisherman carrying a spinning rod and a red Hills Brothers coffee can filled the Crawford worms that are full of s–t, in an effort to prevent literally tons of hurled Bull/Bushs–t from flowing into the Great Lakes.
